Gay

Keywords: A, Better, 10, Life, Ch.,

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"Please let me know what you think, good or bad. It's a labor of love, but labor none the less, and it would greatly help and encourage me to hear back from my readers. Now, enjoy!"

CHAPTER 10

One week later Andy had woken up early, took a shower and was waiting downstairs for Bill to finish up before he drove him to the courthouse, Jake and Brian and his family meeting them a bit later. But Andy needed to do something before Alan, Brad-Lee and Jason's sentencing hearing started. He needed to do this if he'd ever be able to close this chapter in his life, and Dr. Manning had agreed with it, and encouraged him.

Andy felt his resolve crumble as he sat waiting for the guard who would usher him through to the room where he'd be meeting Alan. Feeling panic crawling up his spine, all fear and apprehension left his body as he felt Bill's strong hand squeezing reassuringly on his arm, then heard him say, 'I'll be right here outside, waiting, you hear?'

Andy didn't trust himself to speak, but only nodded, all his gratefulness and affection towards the man sitting next to him evident in that one action.

Getting up as the guard approached then, Bill gently pulled Andy in for a half hug before letting him follow the guard down the hall.



Andy entered the empty room and took a seat across a wooden table as he listened to the instructions of the guard regarding personal contact or item exchanges of any sort. Nodding his comprehension Andy held his breath as the guard disappeared to fetch Alan. Letting the breath out as the door opened, Andy remained seated as a sullen looking Alan shuffled in with cuffs around his wrists and ankles. Andy made eye contact with Alan and was the first one to look away. Alan settled himself across from Andy, staring at him. Andy finally forced himself to look at him as Alan said, 'You look good, Andy.'

Andy swallowed, then said, 'You've lost weight, Alan.'

'Yeah well, a prison diet will do that to you.'

Andy sighed irretatedly, already bored with the situation.

'Look, Alan, are we just going to sit here and make small talk all morning or-'

'I'm not well, Andy,' Alan cut him off, 'I've realised that while in here.'

Andy stared at the man that had instilled so much fear in him, had ruined so many. He heard himself saying, 'I told you that myself, Alan. Remember? It was when you were lying next to me on my bed, forcing me to listen to your crazy ramblings!' Andy was yelling, trying unsuccessfully to keep himself calm.

'I know I hurt you, I know Andy-'

''Not just me, Al,' Andy spat his nickname like poison.

Alan nodded. 'I realised that too, Andy. I'll spend the rest of my life thinking about that, everyday, forever. At least I'm getting the help I never knew I needed so desperately...'

'What happened to the videos?' Andy asked deadpan.

'They burnt with the cabin. We kept it all there.' Alan said ashamedly.

'What happened, Alan?' Andy suddenly found himself wanting to know. 'Surely you didn't just wake up one day and decided to be a rapist bastard. What made you into what you are?' Andy sounded calm, really interested to hear his tormentor's answer. Andy looked Alan dead in the eye, no longer cowering at his intense stare.

'I...it's difficult.' Alan took a deep breath before continuing. 'I've always known I liked guys since the day I can remember. It was natural for me, you know. I thought, "That's the way it should be," because that's what felt right, see?'

Andy gave a slight nod and Alan continued, 'I only knew I was different from everyone else when I entered school and everyone was acting and thinking differently to how I was. And then also my father, talking to me about the sports he wanted me to get involved in, teasing me about all the girl friends I made so easily in school and so on. By the time I reached grade 2, I realised it was a bad thing, something to hide and be ashamed of.' Alan was looking down at his hands, silent tears dripping from his eyes. He continued without looking up. 'By the 7th grade, I realized what I was. I mean I always knew I was different, but words like faggot and homo never featured in my mind before. But as I saw the small, skinny kids getting beat up everyday, being called queer and all sorts, I was determined never to let anything like that happen to me.' Alan's voice held a determination that Andy recognised.

'Anyway, rather than become the victim, I became the bully. Only I couldn't fight my urges after a while. I started by forcing the wimpy kids to go down on me, and threatened to hurt them and their families if they refused or said anything. That was enough for a while, but I guess I needed more. When I graduated my father wanted me to go to college, but I didn't see the need, really. I had enough money not to have to work a day in my life. So I just waited for his "Concerned Parent" act to bore him and for him to lose interest again and then I just faded in to the woodwork.'

'What about your mother?' Andy asked. It dawned on him then that it was the first words he'd spoken since Alan had started with his story. Alan made a rude noise with his throat before saying, 'That bitch took my two sisters and fucked off to Europe somewhere a long time ago, dumping me with a sack of shit for a father without looking back.'

Alan sounded angry and lost to Andy.

'Anyway, I guess I thought like if I took what I wanted without asking it still made me better than the one I was taking from, or something. I just really needed someone to tell me it was okay, that I was okay.' Alan was sobbing in his self pity, and despite himself Andy felt himself pitying Alan. Feeling tears forming at his own eyes, Andy heard himself say, 'Alan, there is nothing wrong with being gay. It's not like we woke up one day and decided, now we like guys, is it?'

Alan shook his head brokenly.

'We were born this way, and people saying otherwise can't know what they're talking about since they're obviously not gay.'

Alan was full out sobbing by now, and Andy waited until he calmed down some before he said, 'I'm so sorry your life had to turn out like this, Alan.'

Alan practically whispered through his tears, 'I'm sorry Andy. You know that, don't you?'

Andy remained quiet for a moment before saying, 'I can't say I'll ever want to be your friend, Alan. But I realise now that you truly are sorry, and I...forgive you.'

Andy's words made Alan look up at him, wonder and hurt in his eyes.

'God, Andy, you'll never know how much...'

'It's alright, Alan, you don't have to say anything else.'

Andy got up from his chair and as he was about to turn around, Alan said, 'Andy?'

Andy looked down at Alan and said, 'Yes, Alan?'

'Out of all the others, you were...I loved you, Andrew.'

Andy looked Alan dead in the eyes and said before he turned and walked out the room. 'Goodbye, Alan, and good luck with the rest of your life.'

Andy left a crying Alan in his wake, walking down the hall, but running as he neared Bill, breaking down into gut wrenching sobs as the older man enveloped him in his arms.



Andy and Bill had met up with Jake and Brian and his family and were now seated in the first row of the crowded courtroom, directly behind the public prosecutor. Brian looked extremely uncomfortable to Andy the minute they had walked in to the courtroom to the frenzy of reporters and the public, but had given Andy's searching gaze a reassuring smile as they'd made their way to their seats, and was holding on to Andy's hand as if it was his one lifeline. As the court's staff took their places and the crowed settled, Andy could feel the tension in the room reach fever pitch. Then Alan, followed by Brad-Lee and a heavily bandaged Jason stepped in to the courtroom to a frenzy of hushed conversation. Then the bailiff announced the judge's entrance and everybody got up.

'Be seated,' came the authoritarian voice of the judge. 'Before I sentence the convicted, are there any parties that would like to be heard?'

'No, your honour,' came Alan, Brewster and Brad-Lee's defense lawyer's reply. As the DA got up to answer the same, a voice came from the back of the courtroom, grabbing everyone's attention.

'Brooklyn Mildes, 21,' came the small voice, and the man that had spoken unbuttoned his shirt, revealing the mark on his left breast for all to see. A sea of flashes went off as another man got up.

'Brandon Mac Dowell, 23,' and he too exposed the burn mark on his left breast.

'Jason Evans, I was 19 years old,' said a small looking man who'd gotten up, taking off his shirt. Brian was sobbing at this point, his body shaking as more men and boys got up at various places all around the courtroom, all admitting to have been victims of Alan Haynes' and his group.

At a certain point Andy felt Brian's grip loosen on his hand and saw him get up and say, 'Brian Ash, I was 18 years old at the time.'

Andy had only then noticed that more than half the courtroom was in tears, Brian's parents and Bill and Jake included. Andy looked over at Alan's table, seeing him sob next to a stone-faced Brad-Lee and Jason. After another minute or so the judge hit her gravel against the board and said with an emotional voice, 'Alright, alright! That's enough, I won't have my courtroom turn in to a circus!' she yelled, a few tears escaping from her own eyes. The people remained standing as she continued, 'If there's nothing else?'

The two lawyers shook their heads.

'Fine then. Alan Haynes Jnr, through the evidence presented to me, and the expert testimony I have heard, I am convinced that you weren't at your full reason and understanding at the time you committed these crimes, and have expressed sincere regret and remorse for your crimes and will benefit more from being in a professional institution than the prison system. I therefore sentence you to the Bethany Hope psychiatric hospital until such time that the appropriate persons find you fit to return to society.'

The judge paused, more for effect than for anything else Andy thought.

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Keywords: A, Better, 10, Life, Ch.,