Gay

Keywords: Way, The, Name, Ch., 22, My, You, Say,

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"I don"t need anything, Dillon. Not that money can buy, anyway. As for a house, there"s only one person I want to set up housekeeping with, and she"s out of my reach."

"You don"t know that. Megan could still come around." Dillon knew it was a long-shot, but he had to say something.

"You know better than that, kid. Megan told me the last time I saw her that she doesn"t love me, not anymore." Heath laughed, a sound devoid of humor. "Isn"t that the definition of irony? Just when I realize I"m so in love with the woman I could die for her without blinking, I kill whatever love she felt for me in the first place." Before Dillon could form a response, Heath shifted the subject. "Anyway, like I was saying, I want you to have that money. You"ll have enough to deal with when school starts without having to work extra hours just to make ends meet. Besides," Heath smiled the first true smile he"d given Dillon all afternoon, "I think it"s the perfect revenge on our esteemed parents. Can you imagine how hard it"s gonna be for them knowing that you"re spending their money not only your from your own account but mine, too? I can just see it now. Dad will be sitting in his study, thinking about you and Jamie enjoying a night of sin-filled debauchery on his dime. Priceless, I tell you."

Dillon laughed. "Who"s gonna tell them, you?"

"I already told them, my friend. Pissed isn"t the word to describe their reaction."

Dillon stiffened. "You saw them? When?"

"Settle down, Dillon. Open up that Coke you"re holding in your lap, take a drink, and relax." Heath picked his own drink back up and took another sip. "Mom and Dad came to see me at the fire station last night. Claimed they wanted to know how you were doing."

"What did you tell them?"

"The truth, that they lost the right to ask about you the minute they threw you out of the house. When Dad tried to argue that leaving was your choice, I asked him if nearly being tortured by a mad scientist in psychologist"s clothing had been your choice, too."

Dillon whistled. "Bet he liked that."

Heath laughed. "I thought the old man was gonna have a stroke. Mom tried to cover, saying they had no idea what Henderson had in mind for you."

Dillon"s outraged protests sent soda spewing halfway across the room. Wiping Coke from his chin, he said, "What a crock. The only reason our parents weren"t prosecuted as accomplices is because of that deal Alicia struck with Dad to drop the charges against Jamie and testify against Henderson." Dillon sighed. "Thank God Henderson had sense enough to plead out. He"s gonna shave a couple of years off his sentence, but at least Jamie and I won"t have to come back to testify."

"I know. I told them as much, about the deal Dad made and all, but you know how they are. Mom had some bogus explanation, and Dad just ignored me. I finally told them that I was busy just so they"d leave."

Dillon nodded. "I don"t blame you." He glanced down at his watch. "Shit. I gotta go, Heath. I told Jamie I"d be back like half an hour ago." He stood up, and so did Heath. Dillon clutched the cashier"s check to his chest. "I still don"t know how to thank you for this Heath. I"m at a loss."

"Like I told you, you don"t have to thank me. Just . . ." He paused. "Just make sure you tell Jamie everyday how much you love him. Don"t fuck up your chance at happiness the way I did, okay?"

"I won"t." Dillon grabbed his brother and pulled him into a tight hug. Heath was stiff at first, but before long he was returning the hug tenfold. Dillon said, "I love you Heath."

Dillon heard a suspicious sniff. "Yeah, yeah." Heath pulled back. "Now, get out of here before Jamie thinks you"ve stood him up."

"He knows that will never happen." Dillon slapped Heath on the back on last time. He started for the door, but Heath"s voice stopped him. "Dillon?"

Dillon turned. "Yeah?"

Heath shuffled his feet. "It"s not easy for me to say the words, you know? Mom and Dad have told us all our lives how much they love us, and look how that turned out. And I love Megan, but look what I did to her." He looked Dillon in the eye. "Even so, you know I love you, too, right?"

Dillon nodded. His brother"s love was one thing he"d never doubted.

#

Jamie smiled when he heard Dillon"s car pulling into the driveway. Meeting him at the door, he said, "I was starting to think you"d run off to New York without me."

Dillon wrapped him tight in his arms and spun him around. "Never happen." Dillon put him down and looked around the apartment, noticing the boxes were all gone. "I told you I"d be back to help you and Ash load the truck."

"Ash came early, so we decided to get it over with. It didn"t take long with the both of us working."

"Still, I wanted to help."

"I know you did, but it was no big deal." Jamie kissed his nose. "How was Heath?"

"Missing Megan like crazy, and trying not to show it. He hasn"t been the same since she left town, but he doesn"t talk about her much, other than to say he fucked up, which we already knew." Dillon remembered the check. "You won"t believe what he gave me as a belated graduation gift."

Jamie listened as Dillon told him the story and then showed him the check. All he could think of to say was, "Damn."

Dillon grinned. "That was my reaction, too." Dillon took another look at the apartment. "Are you sure there isn"t anything I can do?"

"Well, there is one thing. Come with me into the bedroom."

"What"s the matter, baby? Didn"t you get enough of me this morning?"

Jamie gave his arm a solid whack. "Since when do we have to go to the bedroom for that? As I remember, we"ve managed quite nicely in the living room, the kitchen . . ."

"The garage, the car." Dillon laughed. "I get the point. Well, if you"re not gonna let me have my wicked way with you, what"s in the bedroom?"

Jamie grew serious. "Ben"s ashes."

Dillon caught on. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

Jamie nodded. "Ben"s instructions were to wait until I was ready, then scatter his ashes."

Dillon ran his fingers through Jamie"s hair. "As I remember it, Ben wanted you to wait until you were completely happy and then scatter his ashes." Dillon used one finger to lift Jamie"s chin so that they were eye to eye. "Are you happy, Jamie? Completely, I mean?"

Jamie leaned into his touch. "Do you doubt it?"

"No, but you"ve been through so much. If you want to wait a while, until you"re sure you"re ready to say goodbye, I think even Ben would understand."

"I"ve already said goodbye, in my heart, anyway. All that"s left now is to say goodbye in the physical sense."

"Do you have any idea where you want to go?"

"Actually, I do."

#

To say that Cain Lucas, owner of Reed"s largest junkyard/garage--and the place where Ben had bought most of the parts for his car--was surprised by Jamie"s request was putting it mildly. The three of them stood inside Cain"s immaculate shop. Cain pinned his dark eyes on Dillon, looking to him for help.

Dillon said, "Don"t look at me. This is Jamie"s show. I"m just along for the ride."

Cain turned back to Jamie. Jamie knew Cain from the times he"d come out here with Ben, looking for parts. Jamie was a little in awe of the big man. With his long black hair and his bronze skin, Cain looked more like a Cherokee warrior than a garage owner. He was a study in beauty.

Jamie waited a tense minute while Cain made his decision. Jamie was afraid Cain would deny his request, but finally, he said, "Ben Lewis was a good customer of mine. I always try to put my customers first," he glanced down at the urn, "no matter what the circumstances." Cain wiped his grease-stained hands on a rag he"d pulled from the pocket of his coveralls, then pointed one long finger towards the rear of the junkyard. "The Firebirds and Camaros are in the back. Take your time."

Jamie almost sighed with relief. "Thanks, Mr. Lucas. I appreciate it."

Cain smiled, softening the lines of his face. "You can thank me by calling me Cain."

Jamie thanked him again and walked outside. Dillon followed, but stopped just outside the door. "You want me to go with you?"

Jamie shook his head. "This is something I have to do by myself, I think."

Dillon kissed him on the lips. "I"ll be waiting for you here then."

Jamie made his way through the junkyard, dodging wrecked cars and homeless engines. It took him about ten minutes to make it to the back. He stopped in front of a car that looked to be the same make and model as Ben"s and sat on the slightly crooked hood. Holding the urn in his lap, he began to speak.

"I don"t know if you can hear me or not, Ben, but I kinda think you can. Maybe that"s just wishful thinking on my part, but I don"t believe it is. Anyway, I"m here to fulfill your last wish." Jamie took a deep breath. "You asked me to release your ashes when I was completely happy. I"m not sure if it"s possible to be totally happy, not forever after, anyway, but I can honestly say that there"s nothing more in my life that I want or need." He paused. "Okay, so that"s not true. If I could just have you back here with me, then I"d want for nothing. But that isn"t possible. You"re gone, and I"m still here."

Jamie stopped long enough to watch a barn swallow dip and dive over the wreckage of an old Ford a few cars away. Looking back down at the urn, he said, "I"m sure you already know this, but Chad is dead. He paid for what he did to you, just like Burke Carpenter paid. Like Morgan paid." Jamie sighed. "I don"t know if that will give you peace, but I hope so. I hope you find in death what you never had in life."

Jamie took the lid off the urn. "By your own count, there were two things in this world you loved: me, and your car. I never could understand why you chose me out of all the guys you could have had, and I"m sorry I couldn"t give you what you wanted in return. The best I can do is honor your memory. I wracked my brain to come up with the best way to do that, and all I could come up with was living my life to the fullest, enjoying each day in ways you"re no longer able to do.

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Keywords: Way, The, Name, Ch., 22, My, You, Say,